Women’s sexuality and Wentworth

Today I wanted to talk a little about some media issues. I apologize in advance as the tone of this does feel a little formal, but there was a lot I wanted to say, so… deal with it!

I’ve been watching the series Wentworth recently. Wentworth is described as a contemporary reimagining of the series Prisoner (known in the UK as Prisoner: Cell Block H), but with less wobbly sets and at times, a grittier feel. Set in an Australian women’s “correctional facility”, the series follows the stories of the women in the institution, both as their stories develop during their incarceration and, through flashbacks, how they came to be in the facility.

The women portrayed in the series have a variety of backgrounds, personalities and sexualities. While watching episode 5 of the first series, entitled “The Velvet Curtain”, I was struck by the themes presented. From here on out, I will discuss the episode freely so if you have not yet seen it, you may deem the following to contain spoilers.

While a lot of other action takes place in episode 5, the overarching theme was that of female sexuality. This was explored from many angles – most strikingly as the women talked unabashedly about masturbation and in doing so caused visible unease in Bea, the lead character. As the other women realised Bea did not partake in self-pleasure, they pushed her to explain herself. Embarrassed, she flees the conversation, but it is clear this has set her mind turning. Later, we learn more of Bea’s history with sex; she married young and pregnant, with sex of little priority to her. One abusive husband later and she seems utterly disconnected from her own pleasure.

We learn that Erica, the governor, has been engaged to her fiancée for five years with no sign of a wedding, something her fiancée is unhappy about. Through flashbacks, it appears that their sex life was once exciting, yet seems to leave Erica cold now. Franky, a sexually voracious, lesbian inmate under Erica’s charge, who has shown significant interest in Erica, begins to dominate Erica’s mind, both during waking hours and in her dreams. Troubled by this, she seeks a more passionate life with her fiancée, which sees him react negatively. He doesn’t understand and feels as though Erica is suggesting he bores her.

This story really resonated with me, as someone who has been in a relationship where any display of sexual desire or demand was met defensively. I feel as though I know personally how damaging that can be – the subtle way in which such rejection wears a person down and teaches them not to approach their partner resonates through them for a long time, even after that relationship ends. To this day, I see myself as re-learning to be confident with sex and remembering that my partner doesn’t find it threatening that I have a sex drive.

Finally, in this episode we see Franky engaging in what seems to be, for her at least, no strings sex. What the other inmate makes of the encounter, we aren’t shown. To me, it seems apparent that Franky uses casual sex to detach herself from her feelings (in this instance, towards Erica) as to accept them would demand a vulnerability from her that she cannot handle.

It could be said that the whole episode formed a look at the way in which women can feel dissociated from their own sexuality, and the causes of that – be it dismissive partners, abuse, or inability to accept themselves in some way. I was glad to see issues such as this being handled in mainstream television, as the more we normalise female sexuality and recognise it as something to cherish and hold high rather than as something to demonise women for possessing, the better.

Women are not to be separated into two piles – the sluts and the virgins. Women are not “good girls” by virtue of denying their sexuality, nor are they inviting ANYTHING by celebrating it.
And now, I can step off my soap box.

And say, well done to the writers of Wentworth.

Ageplay and Me

Something I have promised myself recently is that I’m going to start writing more honestly here, even on topics that may make some uncomfortable. My logic here is that it’s my blog and what is the point of it if I don’t write honestly.

Today I want to talk about ageplay and my experiences with it.

Ageplay can cover a lot of different practices and dynamics for different people. There are ABs (sometimes written as ABies), littles and even what some call “middles”. The main distinguishing difference here is in the age they identify or play as. Sometimes bundled into the ageplay group are diaper lovers -or “DLs” – who tend not to have an interest in ageplay but are drawn to nappy (diaper) wearing.

I feel like I should state here that ageplay, either as the AB/little or mummy/daddy/caregiver has absolutely nothing to do with any kind of interest in actual children! Just to get that out of the way!

In a previous relationship, I identified for some time as a little. I identified as roughly three, old enough to be out of nappies (not my thing) but still have a dummy (pacifier).

After the end of that relationship, I entirely moved away from ageplay. I threw out all my little-stuff; my dummies, sippy cups etc.

Now, in the relationship I am now in we don’t have any kind of ageplay dynamic. However my little side has surfaced during some (usually CNC) sex sessions. The boyfriend has been amazing about this and taken it in his stride and run with it in the past, though I suspect that it helps he’s filth so he’s more willing than most to run with something a bit “out there”.

This was interesting for me though,  as in all previous ageplay my little side had been completely non sexual. I’ve found the times when my little surfaces to be incredibly hot though, so I’m happy with the shift.

I don’t know how much she’ll come out in future but I do know it’s fun when she does. I’m learning to embrace my kinks, even the ones that embarrass me or make me worry that others will judge.
It’s rather liberating.

Swimming in the Deep End

So, on Saturday night we threw a party. It had all been relatively last minute, having been decided upon due to the cancellation of a local kink scene play event. We had a few friends around, nothing huge, but it’s fair to say it felt busy.

I’d hoped the night would be a success. I suspected we’d likely play, and by that, I mean that I’d be beaten. Sure enough, I got shackled to the frame we had on loan from friends attending, and the first sight one of our attendees got upon stepping through the threshold was of my naked arse, mid-flog.

As I said, though, this I expected.

I’ll interject a little background here. I write a sex blog, I run a twitter account connected with that, I’m on the kink scene and I’d consider myself to be a sex-positive person. I’m also, I’m now realising, horribly lacking in sexual confidence.

I didn’t expect to get oral in a crowded room. I didn’t expect to climax in a room full of people. I didn’t expect to find myself, legs spread, with a glass dildo in me being wanded for all to witness. I didn’t think that when my boyfriend and I led a friend of ours upstairs for a threesome that I’d dive right in with gusto. Having had a threesome in a past relationship with that friend, experience had taught me we’d both be shy and awkward… apparently not this time!

Somehow, falling into the deep end has seen me come out of it with the most sexual confidence I think I’ve ever possessed. I arose from our overcrowded bed on Sunday ready to take on the world.

Now I find myself looking at all the things I’ve felt nervous, awkward or afraid of and somehow, they’re not so daunting.

Now, I must be going. I’ve got a rabbit hole to dive further down

Hello 2014: Seeing the Year in – the Kinky Way

Having finally recovered and got my bearings two days later, I thought I’d write about how we celebrated new year’s eve. 

I wrote a post back in November about our previous (and first) kinky house party. It was a great success and we heard such lovely things off people afterwards that we decided pretty much right away we’d do it again – and NYE seemed like a logical next date. 

for the party to be busy without overcrowding, there ended up being about 20 or so fetishists gathered, and in many ways the party was like any other – people drank, nibbled and chatted to a background of mostly music, with a little interlude for Big Ben to do it’s chimey thing at the big moment. 

However, there was also the flogging (of many arses), the violet wand (which I sort of wanted to try but felt too nervous to), and various other reasonably standard fetish party staples (not actual stapling mind, though there was some needleplay by a couple of our guests). 

As a couple, we did a bit of flogging after I was cheeky (and yes, we’re still maintaining we’re not D/s!), he spanked me with Vampire Gloves (mmm, blood!) and we did a little wax play in the lead up to midnight too. What was less average though, was the fucking machine one of our guests had built and which they brought along! 

A couple of people had a go – one publicly and one privately – though I have to admit I sadly wasn’t one of them. In some ways I wish I had but there’ll be other opportunities I’m sure. In a way this leads me to what I want out of the coming year – more new experiences. 

Ultimately, the only thing preventing that most of the time is me holding back – something I want to change. So, let 2014 be the year in which I dive right in!

Teach Me Daddy

Teach me again daddy, why the other girls don’t like me.

 Because they know, don’t they, that I’m not like them.

That I’m dirty and want perverse things that good girls shouldn’t want.

Normal girls don’t beg for their arses to be taken, to be owned and mercilessly fucked.

Show me daddy, how you care for and love me in your special way.

Our secret way. I won’t tell, I promise.

Push my legs apart and find me already slick and waiting. Remind me, daddy, that all my pussy is good for is the juices that drip down and allow you to take my arse so freely.

Soothe me with gentle, loving shushes as you push yourself into me- just the head at first and that sharp pain that makes me gasp. “Shh shh shh, it’s okay sweetie” Then, I yield to you, and I become yours for the taking, fully.

Now, with ease you can ram your full length into me, making me cry out in ecstasy. I don’t mind being wired wrong, daddy, because it feels so good. Just when I feel like I can barely take any more, you fill me with your special cream.

Only the good girls get that, don’t they daddy? Exhausted and spent, wrap your arms around me and tell me I’m your good girl. And here, in the safest of places, in your arms… there are no thoughts. No worries. No monsters under the bed. You chased them all away. And I love you.

Fearspace

Okay, here goes. I’m not sure how coherent this will actually prove to be. As such, I apologize in advance! In the past, I have only ever hit subspace twice. 

It’s a very rare thing for me, and takes a lot of work to get to. I found I experienced something slightly similar, though less intense, through waxplay. Recently, though, I experienced something new. Something I’ve been referring to as “Fearspace“. 

The details of what caused it aren’t probably that important – essentially, my boyfriend, KingNothingface, being very scary during sex – to a level I may have suggested was something akin to demon possession… but describing or explaining that, as I say, isn’t really what I’m trying to do with this writing. 

What I experienced was – perhaps for the first time – a very, very real sense of fear with someone I truly trust. KingNothingface remarked afterwards that my terror showed in my face. When everything had stopped, I lay in his arms and shook. I feel as though I should state, dear reader, that such a response is not common for me. As I lay there, 

I realized how quiet my head was. To explain, I’m very much an overthinker in life, I never really quieten down and just enjoy the silence – so for all of that to have just stopped dead was extraordinary to me. In the past, the only states to have accomplished such a feat were subspace and meditation. 

Now, perhaps some would argue that what I experienced could be described more as simply a different way to achieve subspace. Personally, I feel as though it is a different headspace entirely, though every bit as overwhelming. 

For me, the notable differences are the fact that it was entirely mental stimulation which resulted in this state (though, yes, of course there was significant physical stimulation occurring at the time, it was the mental that caused my reaction), and that as such this was not a pain response.

It would be fair to say, however, that the states are related as ultimately both subspace and fearspace are the result of endorphin release. I’ve thought about the experience a fair bit since. What I know for certain is that I’m looking forward to any future journeys into fearspace.

Review: Seven Til Midnight Plus Size Leopard Print Chemise

I was fortunate enough to be sent this by Lovehoney for review. I was delighted when I was emailed about it as I’d noticed it on the site and loved it. Upon receiving this chemise I couldn’t wait to try it on.

I am normally about a size 22 (ish) at the moment and this is stated as fitting 18-24.

I found it figure hugging (being spandex) but comfortable, and would advise that you’d need to be reasonably happy for your every curve to be on display to enjoy wearing this. I personally found it fitted a lot shorter than the model picture suggests – but that may be because I am 5’11″ – so perhaps a shorter lady would find it would sit longer.

The back design is unusually cut, but I was surprised by how flattering it actually was on me. The straps do adjust as stated on the product page, which means it will sit well on a number of body types and shapes. I wasn’t wildly impressed with the free G-string, because as is common with included G-strings, it seemed a lot larger than the chemise.

I wasn’t really all that bothered about that though, as I don’t think it affects the look of the chemise to not wear the matching thong. The spandex fabric feels gorgeous, really soft, and didn’t irritate my skin at all (which is important to me as a psoriasis sufferer).

All in all, I really like it, and most importantly I feel incredibly sexy in it. The Seven Til Midnight Plus Size Leopard Print Chemise is available to buy at Lovehoney.

New Years Resolutions – Kinky, Sexy and Bloggy

Admittedly this is a little late as it’s already a week or so into 2014, but I wanted to post some kind of record of what I’m hoping to do or change in the coming year…

1. Get fitter.

I know this doesn’t sound related in the slightest to sex or kink, but in a way it is. Cardio fitness affects sexual ability and confidence a lot. Being fitter means I can do more!

2. Try new things.

There are a few things in the forefront of my mind on this one – for example pegging – and in a more general sense I’d like to approach things more openly. I feel as though for too long I have held back and if I want to get the most from life, I must learn to throw myself into things more often!

3. Attend some blogging/adult industry events.

I’m always super envious of those who go to such things, so hopefully this will be the year I get to join in the fun!

4. Write more!

Admittedly, 2013 was a turbulent year. As a result, blogging took a backseat. I’m happy to say that life is considerably better now, so I feel confident in saying you’re going to see a lot more of me and my thoughts over the next 12 months.

I’ll let you all know over the course of the year how I’m doing!